Tip

Even though your baby may be a distraction and hog the spotlight, this is one of the few times in your life when you can just whip your breast right out in public, any time you feel like it, no questions asked, so go for it babe! Pull this little stunt anywhere, and all eyes will be exactly where they belong: on you. Some men get so flustered they need to get a drink, while others will just stop to smile and coo. Don't mind them one bit, they're just a tad excited.

Is it making you want to claw their eyes right out of their sockets to have to watch other women your age parading their trophy babies around town? Are your parents, siblings, or in-laws making your life a living hell? Or do you just have leftover "issues" from your own childhood you feel compelled to act out without fear of eventual retaliation?

Well, get right back on that phone superwoman! Or better yet go get a manicure, pedicure, facial, and maybe a shiatsu massage while your at it. YPL Rent-a-Rat allows you to keep all of your precious time for yourself, and you'll never have to feel inferior to some ignorant teenage slut again. There's no tedious 9 month wait, you can drink, smoke, party and/or diet to your heart's content, and with YPL Rent-a-Rat you'll never have to deal with unreliable surrogate moms, sloppy fertility clinics, or even ever have sex again!

And just think: no carpools to drive, no greedy orthodontist to pay, no college tuition to worry about, and no sullen teenage temper tantrums, loud annoying music or confusing slang to decipher! Our children are all guaranteed to be preverbal, or if you prefer a speaking tot we'll provide one too young to have formed any definite attitudes or opinions of their own as yet. And we promise, with our rental kids you'll never have to face the prospect of them blossoming into attractive adolescents. Who needs that kind of unfair competition?

Tip

Do not leave your baby unattended for long periods. In the event that you do misplace your rental baby it can usually be located using our ultra-sophisticated global satellite positioning system. All our rental babies' ears are tagged using the same homing device technology designed to track animals in the wild.
(Extra charges may apply, so please make sure your baby is actually missing, and not just cowering in fear somewhere, when you call.)

Punishment
How much can they take?

Love extreme sports? Not a problem. Our kids are completely fearless and first-rate jumpers!	Able to navigate complex, dangerous obstacles and survive for hours in toxic muck and alone in the wild!	After a few days in these specially constructed pens our babies are as tough as differential calculus!

A well-stocked medicine cabinet and wet-bar are essentials for any new mother. You should have all the things on hand you need for a speed-ball, some candy-flipping, and a good dry martini, and never store anything in those annoying childproof containers. It's also a good idea to make the local saloon off limits to kids who can't walk there yet. And never refer to medicine as candy, because even a rookie narc could figure that one out.

"YPL Rent-a-Rat really helped me impress my neighbors and showed me how to create a more current look with my existing wardrobe. I now use YPL Rent-a-Rat every time." -- B.S., Aspen, Colorado

"If renting children were an Olympic event,... YPL Rent-a-Rat would win a gold medal." -- M. K., Palm Beach, Florida

"YPL Rent-a-Rat really pulls it all together. Clean and professional, a great combination!" -- L.P., Bel Air, California

"YPL Rent-a-Rat found just the child I needed for my high school reunion. I use their services because I trust their judgment and they always manage to work within my budget." -- L.S., Houston, Texas

YPL Rent-a-Rat also provides infants and toddlers for country club interviews and as corporate gifts.

Never heat your baby in the microwave oven. We know it saves time, but it can boil the delicate bits of cytoplasm right out of the cells which comprise your rental baby. Though few infants are equipped with the intellectual capacity to fully appreciate just how nasty a bad case of hypothermia can be, we still strongly suggest thawing frozen babies slowly.

The Media Love This Story!

Turning the Business of Baby Rental into an Artform
by Mimi Erster (Reuters)

If walking into your closet every morning has become a crushing bore perhaps it's time for the ultimate fashion accessory. "But I couldn't possibly stop drinking!", you say. Or "I'm not so sure I really want to take the chance of ending up with a large litter...," you admit. Well then, why not call in the professionals? In fact, why not let them scrutinize your personal style and then rent you the perfect baby to update and complete your total look? That's the concept behind a fabulous new business venture from YPL.

Rent-a-Rat is a new YPL service imagineered by Barbie Putain. Along with organizing a client's separates, they provide rental babies that add panache to any outfit. "We got the idea after seeing ads for escort services on latenight cable," Putain explained. "A man can always solicit an attractive woman for an important event, so why shouldn't a busy, self-involved woman be able to rent an adorable infant? It's that little something extra which really appeals to a lot of wealthy, social women."

"I've always been interested in both couture and infants," Putain said. "For years friends came to me for advice on where to find high quality sperm. Since I love eugenic engineering, I was usually able to help them out with something from the deepfreeze." she added. "Then when CMCD revoked my sequencer privileges, I thought, I'll show those bastards. Why not just start renting babies instead of selling them? And the economic return is exponentially higher too." Although Putain admits no formal training in pediatrics, she has always had a wonderful sense of smell and a fondness for pop psychology.

Initially, Rent-a-Rat stylists visit a client's home and spend about two hours organizing ensembles deemed suitable for wear with currently available tots. They also inquire as to preferences in color, cranial capacity and a variety of cuteness factors. Finally they make suggestions about what will maximize visual impact. "When we show clients how to employ them properly, they are always pleasantly surprised by the sheer intensity of the envy a cute little baby can inspire." Putain said.

As for the future, Putain says Rent-a-Rat is hoping to expand in scope to include supplying well-behaved kids of all ages for family events and special occasions. And, they believe that there will only be greater demand for this service in the future. "Today women are so busy, they have no time to go antiquing, let alone properly rear children.," YPL representative Jack Scalia explained. "Since they are so busy, they don't want to spend even one nanosecond of their precious free time interacting with or caring for kids. If they can find someone else to do it all for them, yet still accrue all the status and prestige that come from looking fertile, we think they'll pounce on the opportunity."

We promise to provide you with the finest quality babies we happen to have on hand:

-Sanitized
-Popular Names
-Order by Phone
-Free Delivery

Deluxe Package includes:

-Crib
-Car Seat
-High Chair
-Stroller
-1 My Little Phallus
-1 Safety Item
-Basket of YPL Lil' Peepz Toys

And all for only $119.95/day $559.95/week!

Amortizing Now Available!
Ask about our special "lease with option to buy" deals on preowned kids. Want to know more?