Our methods are far better than an eating disorder.

Burn like the skinny twig you should be.
Wow! Look at the results!

 

 Are you sick and tired of all those failed fad diets? They all force you to stop eating the food you know you LOVE.  How would you like to eat whatever you wanted and get a fantastic body -- all without ever "watching your weight".  Are you willing to make the ultimate sacrifice?  It's quick and easy!  We've simplified the process, to just 3 easy steps, for busy professionals like you:
  1. Draw Pentagram
  2. Stand in Pentagram & Chant* the following 3 times:
    "Qu'io'Qui Li'moiku Qu'io'Qui Li'moiku
    Chi Chi No Li'moiku Ja Ja No Ja Quio'Qui"
  3. Kiss the ground.

All done! Anyone can do it! Get the great body that God didn't give you, and get it today!

 

 Eiww. Cellulite.
no more fat cheeks
Lose the pounds in a fiery snap.
EIWW times 2
no more love handles

Sign your soul away with YPL

 

 There's no need to sign up and no monthly fees!   It's just a simple chant.* Imagine: you and your new perfect body strolling along the beach.  Imagine the great sex you will have because you're confident that Lucifer gave you his best!

*Use of this chant will, of course, damn your soul for eternity. You will most likely be brutally tortured and fed a steady diet of maggots. If you are a fat hero or a fat priest and use this chat you will definitely go to hell.  God can not and will not save you; as stated in Psalm 29:12. All deals are final.