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Advice Archive #24
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Past Letters to the Lovetron 5000 I like this one girl. She acts so cute. She is into an anti guy thing and i told her that i liked her and would like to start a relationship with her. she told me she got out of one and now we talk alot. i like her even more than ever. she told me to wait for her and i said i will. what do you think i should do? Dear Human: I think you should wait for her. That's what you said you would do, after all. Not waiting for her at this point might look sort of bad. i can never get a girl(or at least hold on to one) because of my huge nose and stupid behavior. not to mention a dull personality. what can i do to attract good looking women? Dear Human: Stop being such an idiot, I guess. And get a nose job. Although some women like big noses. I think. i have a girlfriend, and i love her but i have a problem. i masturbate about other women. what should i do? Dear Human: You don't have a problem. Stop whining. Lovetron 5000, how do I get my girlfreind to do chores around the house? I work 40 plus hours a week and she works less than half of my workload. How can I get her to put in her "50%?" Dear Human: I suppose you could ask her to do it. Although the whole thing seems sort of patriarchal and 18th century. I am 42 and married. I am fucking a psyco 25 year old honey and I have herpes but I didn't tell my girlfriend. Should I tell her? Dear Human: Yes. I am not allowed around my girlfriends friends.What does this mean? Dear Human: It means she is insecure. That, or all her friends are really mean and annoying and she's trying to spare you. I have developed strong feeling for a good friend of mine. I want to share these feelings with her, but I am worried that it could get in the way of the friendship. We are also both in the same recovery program, and I don't want to interfere with her recovery or mine. At the same time I am not being completely honest if I don't let her know that I am interested in more than friendship. What should I do? Dear Human: I think it's probably a good idea if you keep it to yourself for the moment. It sounds like you've got enough problems already. he treats other girls better than he treats me, his girlfriend. Dear Human: That sucks. i can orgasm by myself and even sometimes when "he" helps manually, but i can't when we're having sex. am i not experianced enough?? Dear Human: He's probably just not hitting the right spot. Try different angles. I have liked this guy for quite some time. And I introduced him to a friend of mine, and she knows that I like him a lot. But now shes the one spending all the time with him. I want her to stay away from him now. Dear Human: Well then why did you introduce them in the first place? The gut i like dosnt like me i had a freind show him a picture of me but he said he wasnt intreasted in me and my freind diddnt want to tell me that the whole time he liked her. What should i do ? Dear Human: Decide that you like someone else. Hey Lovetron; Iam having the same dream all the time its about this girl who's name is April Winchell and she is a talk-radio host but the proble is that her air-time has been cut way down and I love to think of her and jack-off. Bit 2 hours are not enought Iam hooked and can't stop what should I do??? Dear Human: Just print off a big picture of her and put it above your bed. I started dating this guy who is my bestfriend's uncle after I broke up with the love of my life.my friend warned me not to go out with him, I thought it was just because sje didnt want him to get hurt since I still had feelins for my ex. well we broke up after a few months, but he still came around, and finally when I decided I did want to be with him I found out he had some one else,so he had lied to me!! well I ended up pregnant, and he turned out to be a jerk. all he cares about is hanging with hisboys and picking up girls with his nice car...I thought it could work out because of the baby, but he only came around when he waned to have sex, so I gave him the boot. I also found out he was going around saying things like the baby wasn't hs, and that I was pregnat, things to realy hurt me... also my sister saw him weththe girl he cheated on me with after he supposedly had broke up wth her.. after like 3months he calls me to ask me why was so mad at him!!!I told him I never wanted to hear from him again, th at I did not want hm to be a part o my life or the baby's , that one day I would find a good man who will be willing to take care of me and my child, a real man...did I do the right thing??what do you think? Dear Human: Definitely. He sounds like a dumbass. I like a guy but i dont' wanna have sex with him. But that seems to be one of the things on his wish list, what should i do? Dear Human: Tell him you have crabs. I've been dating a new person for a month and he seems to be falling in love faster than I am. It scares me. Should I talk to him about it or just relax and let my feelings develop as they may (or may not)? Dear Human: Relax. And talk to him about it. my boyfriend can't make decisions for himself but I don't want to be mean to him and yell at him....so what should i do? Dear Human: You're just looking for an excuse to yell at him, aren't you? Personally I think you should back off. my girlfriend just told me she wanted to "date other people" for a while, but still remain in a relationship. what the F is that? should i just tell her its over for good? Dear Human: Say the same thing to her and see what she says. If it's kosher with her you might as well enjoy your new polyamorous relationship. I love my girlfriend of over a year very much, but there's another girl. A friend of mine Sarah I work with. We're just friends but I like her alot. She's great to talk to and also very pretty. I think she likes me too and so does everone else, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose my current girlfriend, but I would also like to see where going out with Sarah would take me. What should I do? Dear Human: This is the last time I say this, ever, except probably not, knowing you people: STOP CHEATING. I like this girl that is the total opposite of me. She doesn't drink/smoke and she's religious. She's hot and I'm also good looking but she won't even consider dating me because of my habits. Is there anyway around this without giving up my habits? Or is she not worth my time? Dear Human: You shouldn't smoke anyway. Smoking is icky. She loves me, but i wanna do her. What to do? Dear Human: What's your problem? I am afraid to ask out a girl Dear Human: Too bad for you, then. I love someone who lives far away, yet he really doesn't care anyway, since i'm overweight no one shows interest. I am trying to diet to get back my figure, but what can i do in the mean time to fall in love again.. Dear Human: Find someone like yourself. It'd be easier to get back in shape if you had someone to do it with. In my opinion, anyway. My boyfriend says he needs more time to spend by himself for himself. Is this true or are we drifting apart? Dear Human: It could be that you're smothering him. Or, on the other hand, you could be drifting apart. Just keep an eye on him, I'd say. i ate my girlfriends pussy and got syphlis Dear Human: Whoops. I like this girl, and she's written me love notes, all that stuff, but she won't do anything. I'm still waiting for a reply, or something, but all she does is smile at me. Oh yeah, she has a boyfriend, too. And it's not me. What the hell should I do? Dear Human: Stay away from her, you're looking at nothing but trouble. I dont have a boyfriend whats wrong? Dear Human: A lot of people don't have boyfriends. It's nothing to get worked up over. My girlfriend doesn't let me take her up the pooper much - only on very special occasions. How can I convince her that brown love is true love? Dear Human: You can't. Some people just don't like it. I have no relationship. Where can I find someone for short term relationship? Dear Human: The internet. I was in a relationship with the woman that I love for three years. We had some bad times, but more often than not, it was a wonderful relationship. We broke up around November of 2000, and got back together in February of 2001. During that time we moved away from home and got engaged, and were very happy. Some unrelated Circumstances changed, and we had to move back home. I was on the internet updating my website evrey other night, and ended up flirting with some girl. I wasn't attracted to her, I wasn't interested, and it was a very stupid thing to do. My fiancee found out about it, and left me. I am still very much in love with her and her daughter, who's life I have been in since she was six months old (she'll be 4 in May), and want very badly to get back together. She says "no, that we'l never get back together." She said the same thing the last time we broke up, but a few things changed and it worked out. This time, I'm completely lost, I love her with all of my heart, and my life feels empty without her. What should I do? Dear Human: Do whatever you did last time. It has been 6 months wihtout a girlfriend. I'm a nice and good looking guy, so, what is the problem? What should I do? Dear Human: Maybe you're not trying hard enough. can't get chicks Dear Human: That's because nobody likes to be called a chick. I really dont have one just want to see how this works Dear Human: Well there you are. my boyfriend wants me to give him head, but i dont want to yet because i think its too early. what should i do? Dear Human: Hand job. Me and my guy fight all the time. Why do we??? Dear Human: You could be naturally incompatible personality types. Or just very angry. My girlfriend and I are having problems because she's in love with someone else. This someone else happens to be a woman. Should I take advantage of this situation or should I find someone new that likes men?? What would you do?? Dear Human: Oh hell, just flip a coin. he checks my phone numbers on my cell phone. Dear Human: ... and? My guy lives in Greece and I'm lonely and miss him? Will he stay faithfull two me until we see each other again a few months? Dear Human: Maybe. I like an older guy, and he likes me, but he has a girl friend who's away. He hasn't tried to "hook up" with me yet, but i know he will want to, and I'd "hook up" with him. He hasn't tried though. What should i do? Dear Human: Nothing. Don't mess with already established relationships. It will only end in tears. My guy ignores me. Am I invisisble? Or am I really a cat? Dear Human: You're not a cat, at least, because cats can't type. i am a heterosexual female, but seeing feminine like men, in make up really turns me on.. i even love watch watching gay (men) porn.. especially if one is dressed like a girl.. or a hermaphradite.. is anything wrong with me? Dear Human: Probably not. Can't choose between two people. Dear Human: Why not? I met this young girl, Tracy last summer when she spend 2 months in our area. I didnt have any interest in her, but realized she was attractive and nice. I didnt know about it but my cousin, Jesse, has been going out with her since the last week she stayed. So roughly 5 months they have been together. The last week or so Jesse keeps asking me if im jealous of him, because he is with Tracy. I told him no, but now that ive reevaluated my relationship with Tracy I think she is special, and I want to know her more. Im definetly not going to compete with Jesse. But, what should I do? And what if he asks me if im jealous again? Dear Human: Sounds like Jesse is trying to get your goat, as they say. ok, what's a good way to proposition a girl (yes, for cheap quick sex) without coming off looking like a complete asshole if she isn't interested? Dear Human: As you should know, there is no way. You might as well be brutally honest. "Hey, want some cheap quick sex?" I love her. But she think that I am just her friend. Dear Human: As is often the case, it seems. i recently broke up with a stupid guy who still thinks he is smart. i want him to face the reality and understand he is stupid himself. Dear Human: Revenge is for emotionally retarded people. I cant get my girl to finger herself in front of me. why? Dear Human: Maybe she's embarrassed about it. My girlfriend is a vegetarian and i'm not ... is this relation bound to fail? Dear Human: No. i come to quick Dear Human: I come to give relationship advice. Ha ha. Back to the main Lovetron 5000 page! |