Advice Archive #19
Past Letters to the Lovetron 5000



I have a crush on a girl. We used to go to highschool together. I've loved her for a year and now she's gone off to college and I'm still in highschool. I can't get over her and I don't think she likes me back...and even if she does then she's afriad of loving me back. Maybe that's because I'm a girl too, but I know she's gay.

Dear Human:
Well, you've got your work cut out for you, I think. Personally I feel you should seek a new relationship.


Love for me?

Dear Human:
What, from me? Okay.


i have a four year relationship with a guy and and we live together. i don't love him but care about him. i dislike him mostly all the time because all he does is stress me, annoy me and get me to argue and sometimes end up in fights. i'm not happy feel very lonely and down mostly all the time. i could let him go but feel i will be struggling just to make ends meet . i work but without him is not the same thing. also i feel without him i don't have anyone to talk to, be with, help me , feel accompany. tell me if it's worth sticking with this man or not.

Dear Human:
I'd say no, since it sounds like you're miserable most of the time. I mean come on, why are you still together?


i'm in love with a woman half my age. she's weird and non commital but i think she likes me a lot. shall i dump my wife for her? i've never felt this strongly about any woman in my life.

Dear Human:
No.


I keep telling this guy that I will call him and make plans, but then I never do and he always ends up calling me but we still never make plans!

Dear Human:
Like, wow!


I don't prefer to be in a relationship right now because i feel i'm to young. I always have multiple guys liking me. which makes me confused because they don't even know what type of person i really am. why do guys/girls say they like somebody when they barely know the other girl/guy ?

Dear Human:
Hormones.


I also have another question. because i'm not in a relationship i'll date a few guys at a time. my friends refer to me as a player but i'm not trying to use the guys i'm just trying to figure out if there might be a futue connection for something down the road or if i'm just getting a free meal. Is it wrong that I date more than one guy at a time and I am a player or is it okay to get away with it?

Dear Human:
If you can get away with it, you might as well go for it. Why buy the cow when the milk is free, as they say.


i want fait sex!~!

Dear Human:
You want what?


I'm not currently in a relationship, and found the posting in your last update concerning the mail order women especially intriguing. Perhaps, they would be willing to order one for me, and I'll pay them back with interest. Also, is it possible to get one that can't speak English? Wouldn't want her calling 911 or anything...

Dear Human:
I don't imagine any of them really speak English.


How can you love and hate someone in the same time?

Dear Human:
With the greatest of ease, I'd imagine. People are funny like that.


I am in love with my toaster.

Dear Human:
Don't burn yourself.


HELP! My boyfriend is sooooo jealous, and so untrusting of me! I just dont know what to do! He is driving me insane! He even accused me of sleeping with my husband! What is his problem??

Dear Human:
Oh my god, sleeping with your husband! I think you've got enough problems already without worrying what your boyfriend thinks.


My boyfriend and I live really far apart and sometimes it's good when I can sleep over but will we last the summer with all the restrcictions my parents put on us, if we can't really see each other in the summer because of them.

Dear Human:
Maybe.


My fiance and I have been together for 5 years. He is very good friends with two women that he works with. He has always had friends that were girls since we were in elementary school. It hasn't bothered me in the past. This year for Christmas he bought each of them a $50 gift certificate and one of them was to Victoria Secret. I was very upset and worried about this, but he is mad at me for not trusting him. What do you think I should do?

Dear Human:
That does seem a bit suspicious, doesn't it?


My current girlfriend of four years is als my best friend. Though I liked her in college for four years, we were only friends then, and only began dating after we graduated. I love her dearly, but I am still extremely attracted to other women. Since we aren't yet engaged to be married, would it be wrong to date other women?

Dear Human:
Yes.


I'm in love with a guy I met on-line a year and a half ago. He and I have so much in common, and we are extremely attracted to one another. We are both married for many years, but are unhappy in our marriages. He has asked me to go to Las Vegas with him in April -- it will be the first time we meet. I want to go -- but I know he's not going to leave his wife for me, and I know I won't want to let him go back to her after we've been together. What should I do?

Dear Human:
Well, you're going to be unhappy either way, so you might as well have a good time.


I can't get over this girl I knew 7 years ago

Dear Human:
She must have been some girl, then.


I'm 51 and never married. A girl I loved just after high-school is now divorced and living in another city. What's the chance we could find love together?

Dear Human:
Pretty good, theoretically. Or something.


i really like my boyfriend, but we always fight. my dad thinks my boyfriend is using me. but i dont think so. what do you think?

Dear Human:
Fighting constantly is not part of a normal relationship. That doesn't meant he's using you, though.


I broke up with my girlfriend but she calls me every day saying she still wants to be friends. Does this mean she doesn't want to break up or does she just want sex?

Dear Human:
Could be either really.


Everytime I start to get close to a guy, I get scared and try to destroy the relationship. Can someone please tell me why I am doing this? This guy really loves me butI am pushing him away.

Dear Human:
You're scared of commitment. Stop being so ridiculous.


Whats going on, one minute she wants me and next minute she doesn't. She says it's not me, and that she would be like this with anyone. Her ex is causing trouble which I think is the major factor. Please help!

Dear Human:
Tell her to ignore her ex.


I really really like this girl who happens to be my girlfriend, and she really likes me. The problem is that she doesn't want to go any farther in the relationshop, which isin't really a problem because i love her so much, but i would like to bring it up to let her know i would like to go farther. how can i do this?

Dear Human:
Don't try to force her into anything. Give her some time.


i am madly in love with a girl named kirsty. but the problem is my friends think shes a bit of a village bicycle/slut and do not approve. wut should i do.

Dear Human:
Ignore them, they're being influenced by peer pressure. I love the term village bicycle.


There's this girl at school. she likes me but doesent want to go out. What should i do?

Dear Human:
Nothing. Stop sending me these questions.


I like my friends girlfriend but I dont think its right for me to go out with her.

Dear Human:
You're right, it's not.


How do I get my boyfriend to like kissing me and performing oral sx. help, I've tried everything I can think of.

Dear Human:
Give him things that he likes only if he kisses and performs oral on you, I guess. Although maybe that would form totally wrong associations. Oh well.


I am going out with the pefect male. He makes good money(he is a film producer) and he has the best personality,but I have been acting like a dumb blonde latly and I dont know what to do. When ever I try to think of something smart to say I blow it. When we where just friends I never had this proublem. Please help!!!!!!

Dear Human:
He hasn't dumped you yet, right? So never mind.


how do i know if a girl likes me

Dear Human:
Ask her. Or ask one of her friends, I believe that is the common practice.


I really like this girl Jewels but she is really high-classed and is really popular. If i ask her out, my asshole friends will make fun of me if she says no. what should i do and how should i approach her?

Dear Human:
Your friends are assholes, apparently. Ignore them and ask her.


There is this girl I rather like who is really really shy. I know I can get her to like me if she can open up a bit but I'm not sure how to do that.

Dear Human:
Try to make her feel at her ease. Besides which, don't you think there's something a little funny about making someone like you?


will i be with anthony cook forever?

Dear Human:
I don't know. Maybe.


I need a man! Where can I get one?

Dear Human:
Practically anywhere on the surface of the Earth.


I'm dating a man over 12 years older than I and he's a complete loser in life, but he's very cute and the sex rocks. Would it be bad to tell him that i want only sex?

Dear Human:
Yes, but you should anyway. This is not the basis for a real relationship. And don't tell me you didn't know that.


I liked this guy that worked at the coffeeshop. I always showed up when he was there and tried to make small talk with him as I waited for my coffee. I was too shy to talk to him and finally he left to join the army. I never really got to know him but I was so inlove with him... what do I do?

Dear Human:
I don't think his joining the army had anything to do with your shyness.


do love truly exist? or is it just some perfect reason to have sex

Dear Human:
Yes.


Well i have this crazy friend who is a sprayer, and he wants to marry my sister to become part of the family, and now he has got it arranged so he will, i like him as a friend but maybe more what should i do? please help signed and gratfully hoping for a reply mom

Dear Human:
.. what?


My girlfriend always wants to go ass-to-ass with me, but I hate it. She threatens to break up with me unless I keep it up. I really love her, what should I do?

Dear Human:
What is ass-to-ass?


I wonder if robots masturbate? Do I have a problem? and....do you?

Dear Human:
No. Yes. No.


I'm really head over heels for a girl I work with. I'm pretty sure she likes me but she's getting married soon. I really like her but don't want to mess her around and become a confusion in her life but this just seems to be all wrong. She's told me she's unsure about getting married but reassured her that everybody gets nervous about such a comitment. That was hard but now I wish I hadn't. What do you think?

Dear Human:
You did the right thing. Even if you didn't like it.


my girlfriend says that i have a really small penis. I dont know if 3 inches is short or not. Can you give some advice? Do i need to get an implant?

Dear Human:
There is nothing, absolutely nothing you can do about it, other than surgery which has its own problems. Personally I think that if she can't deal with it, then it's her problem.


I have a HUGE crush on this man at work. I think he's attracted to me, but he's engaged to someone else. I haven't been able to get over him, even though I know that is what's best...What do you think?

Dear Human:
Get over him. I mean seriously, you people.


I dont really ever get to see her all that much, and when I do, all I want to do is fool around with her like have sex and stuff.

Dear Human:
Well there you are.


I am getting a divorce but I still love her.how do I get over this problem?

Dear Human:
You can't. Take it like a man.



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