Prologue
In our top secret labs downtown at YPL Headquarters, where the staff can usually be found bickering about some strange new understanding of life (or watching old "made for TV" movies on Lifetime), I embarked upon an urgent mission, an experiment of such prodigious importance that only we would, only we could, dare pursue it. I knew that only I could satisfy the deepest desires of our beloved YPL audience, so I headed straight for the PC 47 and booted up this cute little program that goes by the name "America Online" The ad says, "It’s so easy" and boy are they ever right… I got it installed and in a matter of seconds it was welcoming me as it does 4 billion other users.

The Quest
Cruising the vast AOL network was a real delight for someone who had never dared to venture there before; so many pretty, stylish buttons! I got distracted a few times, but I managed to refocus my vast mental powers to remember why I had come: LOVE.

The big thing on AOL is chat, people hooking up here and there. Love is found on AOL approximately once every 5.2 minutes, more frequently if you're a good touch typist. My plan was to disguise myself, get some lovin', and share the experience with everyone on the planet. 'Cause sharing is good, and good things are nice, and those are the kind of rock solid Christian greeting card values my parents drilled into me.

"The first attempt..."

babefLor3: what's wrong with you. you don't need to spam the boards

Grapes51: I'm sorry, it's just I'm looking for Love. Everyone told me i can find love online.

babefLor3: you can but you sure won't if you keep being so annoying

Grapes51: Where are you from?

babefLor3: flordia

Grapes51: wow. i live there too. What city?

babefLor3: tampa

Grapes51: holy crap, I live the same city. that's amazing.

babefLor3: no you don't, i read your profile. You live in ny. stop you lying or i'll get support

Grapes51: I don't know how that got there, but believe me, I live in tampa, florida. Right next to you probably.

Grapes51: You want some love?

babefLor3: STOP IT YOU WERIDO

" As you can see this was failed attempt #1.  No Love was found with this person."

Grapes51: Hey cutie; i'm looking for love, you?

CutieMoe8: sometimes

Grapes51: Wanna see my pic? i'm super hot.

CutieMoe8: sure

Grapes51: sending now

CutieMoe8: thats not your picture; you got that out of a magazine

Grapes51: i swear to god, that's me. honest. i told you i was a super hot guy.

CutieMoe8: then why is there a price near your picture?!?

Grapes51: well, to be honest with you; i don't know how that got on there. just trust me, that's me.

Grapes51: do you really think i that stupid to scan a picture out of a sears magazine and pawn it off as myself.

CutieMoe8: SEARS?!? i never said sears. your a lier

Grapes51: please, come on. I just said sears cause i used to work for them back last summer; before i got my job as race car driver.

CutieMoe8: okay; say you are telling the truth, your a hot guy and you drive race cars now. seems kinda unbeleiveable.

Grapes51: Cutie, listen. If i'm wasting your time because you don't believe my story, that's your problem. I know plenty of people whom enjoy my company.

Grapes51: I came 'online' this one time to see what all the BUZZ was about, and i'm treated like i'm some sort of bad person.

CutieMoe8: im sorry, i didnt mean to hurt your feelings. i belive you. wanna cyber?