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 Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! |
| Catholic Exorcisms, Voodoo
Botanicas, Public Executions, Political Rallies, Gas Station Restrooms,
Cock Fights, and Debutante Balls all have one thing in common: Sometimes
in this crazy life you're better off just not even going there,
and sticking with the familiar -- For example: For a few hundred years foolish mortals have enjoyed getting all hopped-up on caffeine, but around the world Blood Coffee is still the modern, 21st Century vampire's convenient warm beverage of choice. Each cup of Blood Coffee is filled to the brim with life-force infusing bloody goodness. It's 755,000 times more potent than Esspresso, 600,000 times more potent than Mountain Dew, and it also makes a fine addition to those trendy "high protein" diets. Blood Coffee is harvested from perfectly healthy certified virgins we recruit from Star Wars chat rooms. Blood Coffee tastes nothing like real coffee. However it tastes exactly like human blood. |
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| Blood
Coffee will infect you with vampirism, causing
you to become an immortal, undead slave to a dark terrifying god. YPL
will *own* you. Well, not exactly own you, since YPL isn't some sort
of dark terrifying god ourselves, we're just its Internet representative.
Anyway, since YPL is the only legitimate source of Blood Coffee,
your pathetic addiction will leave you a senseless, zombified slave
to your uncontrollable desire to get more and more Blood Coffee
from us. It isn't such a pretty picture, but it also isn't such a bad
price to pay for immortality and the ability to stay awake and make
sure you pass that final. Just think of Blood Coffee as a handy
replacement for all your other costly addictions, and a chance to experience
ancient bloodlust, and eternal
youth and beauty. Blood Coffee: Damnation! That Coffee tastes like Blood! |
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