 In what we hope will be the first of many educational discussions, we recently sent a YPL intern to talk with 3 renowned scientists from the American Institute for the Study of Astral Phenomena. Our learned interviewees today are the Doctors Ralph Hickle, N. Erasmus McGillycuddy, and Don Breadweight.
We asked these three scientists to discuss their work with us. They are, at the moment, concentrating their efforts on the study of black holes, those mysterious objects of deep space. YPL: Good afternoon, gentlemen. Ralph Hickle: Hello. N. Erasmus McGillycuddy: Good afternoon. Don Breadweight: Hello. YPL: I would like to take this opportunity to thank you all for having me today, and for being so candid about your research. N.E.M.: Well, that's really what science is about, you see, the sharing of information with your fellow scientists to validate or invalidate your hypothesis. D.B.: Yes, we feel that truth in research is of the utmost importance. YPL: That's wonderful. So... what can you tell me about black holes? N.E.M.: Well, as you on doubt know, The gravity within a black hole is so intense that not even light, the fastest object we know of, can escape its force. A black hole is so dense that 100 million suns would be compressed to a globe 6 million kilometers in diameter. Our sun is only 1,390,000 kilometers in diameter. You get the picture. It is even theorized that there is a super-massive black hole at the center of every galaxy. These black holes have a single point called a singularity that supposedly has infinite mass. Therefore a black hole could conceivably swallow an entire solar system in seconds if the event horizon could expand that quickly. R.H.: Yeah, an ENTIRE solar system! YPL: Hey, great. Black holes are obviously the most interesting thing one could study. Please. Tell me more. Oh please. D.B.: Well, a black hole is a collection of mass whose gravity is so strong that everything that passes the event horizon is pulled in. Inside of a black hole the intensity of its gravity distorts space and time. The distortions can produce very strange results. For example, if you were in a space ship, capable of going the speed of light, and went past the event horizon you wouldn't be able to come out, even at the speed of light. The reason that nothing can leave a black hole is that once the event horizon is passed the escape velocity, the speed to escape the gravity of an object, of the black hole becomes stronger than the velocity of the speed of light. That means if a laser was shown going opposite of the singularity, the laser would then be pulled back towards the singularity. The gravity past the event horizon is as strong as the velocity of the speed of light and so to get out you would have to pass the speed of light, which is impossible, according to Einstein's theory of general relativity. This means that everything past the event horizon is pulled in at 186,000 miles per second. R.H.: The speed of light! That's fast. YPL: Yeah. Anyway, so what are you doing with black holes these days? R.H.: Well, we built this thing... N.E.M.: Shut up shut up! YPL: Hey, what? N.E.M.: Ahem. Well. My esteemed colleague is no doubt referring to the apparatus that we have constructed on campus here at the Institute. D.B.: Yes, but it's top-secret, so I'm sorry, we can't discuss it with you. YPL: Oh, I understand completely.
YPL: Indeed. So. Dr. Hickle, let me ask you, what does this machine do? R.H.: It makes black holes. D.B.: ... ahem ... it's top-secret though, remember. N.E.M.: Yes, it could be very dangerous technology in the wrong hands. R.H.: Like that janitor that fell in, hahahahaha!! D.B.: idiot... Yes, quite, the... January when we fell into a large snowbank! Ha! Ha! That's what it was, right Erasmus? Ha? Ha? N.E.M.: Yes, that was some cold snow, ha, ha! YPL: HOLY SHIT, SOMEONE FELL INTO A BLACK HOLE? N.E.M.: No, of course not, don't be ridiculous. R.H.: Then we fed that undergrad in! Haha! I'll never forget the look on his face!! YPL: WHAT?!? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!? YOU MURDERING BASTARDS!! We at YPL were saddened to learn that our first attempt at an interesting educational product for the entire family didn't happen as we would have liked. Our intern never returned to YPL HQ - word reached us from our interviewees that he tripped on a patch of ice and broke his neck. Perhaps our next venture into the world of education will turn out better. |
